Omg soooo freaking trendy

I didn’t like you when I thought you liked me and now that I know you don’t like me…I like you.

wut is air.

i’m not afraid of the darkness in the world. the darkness in the world is external. it is known and acknowledged. it is tangible, evident, real.

i’m afraid of the darkness in myself. the darkness that i cannot put into words. the darkness that no one else can sense but me. 

on monday i donated blood. 

i was so excited to be helping save lives.

i felt great giving blood. just a pinch, a burn, and then some time to sit back, relax, and watch myself leak a 1/8 of my blood supply into a little sack.

that’s kind of how everything this week started. i thought it was going great. i felt good about things. that hadn’t happened in a very long time.

after giving blood i swung my legs over the side of the beach-chair-like bench and looked at my shoes. “slowly, mal. slowly.” i hopped over the side and slowly shuffled toward a chair.

people asked if i was okay. i was feeling fine… until i couldn’t see or hear. that’s when i passed out. or, as the nurse called it “pre-fainting.” 

the moment between total consciousness and blacking out was a transition. it felt like forever. i felt my world slowly changing.

how did i not see that this was foreshadowing for the rest of my week? foreshadowing for the rest of my life? 

tuesday was a disaster.

wednesday was a disaster thinking about tuesday.

thursday was a disaster.

friday was a disaster thinking about thursday.

saturday was good… at the beginning. 

i felt good. i felt whole. i felt content.

saturday night was a disaster. 

it was that moment before i passed out completely on monday but elongated for an entire night.

sunday was a disaster thinking about saturday.

tomorrow is monday. 

i’ll keep you updated. 

i guess i was cured temporarily.

and i’m cured of the first mistake because now i have the second mistake to worry about.